1. The Thumb-Finger Method
- Position the index finger of the opposite-side hand alongside the exterior of the obstructed channel.
- Nonchalantly slip the thumb as deep as necessary into the nostril.
- Using the thumbnail, delicately clamp onto the dried mucous mass.
- Slowly withdraw the thumb and it’s payload from the nostril. At this step in the process be particularly vigilant for any trailing mucous which might be attached to the payload. These un-noticed “stringers” can jeopardize the entire operation.
- Return the hand to a more natural position and discreetly execute a flicking motion with the thumb. This should launch the material sufficiently far away from you that it becomes someone else’s problem.
- Remember…never wipe it on your shirt or trousers – its always a dead giveaway.
- Always beware of flicking too hard. If the offending article sticks to the ceiling, it’ll be there forever.
2. The Advanced Hand-Guard Method
- Slightly cup the left hand and position it so that your forefinger is below your right eye and your thumb is below your left eye. The palm will be hiding the nostrils from onlookers who will be convinced that you are rubbing your cheeks as one does when trying to ease the symptoms of a headache, or of weariness, (simultaneously closing one’s eyes makes the tactic even more effective).
- In a natural, confident motion bring the right hand up and under the left hand. Use the right index finger to probe, acquire and extract the residual material. After returning the right hand to a secure location execute a flicking maneuver to eject the material.
3. The Athletic Nose-blow
- If you find your mineshaft quite often gets cave-ins you may find this a useful technique to clear blocked passages. This does require a bit of exercise, so if you have a condition which makes exerting yourself dangerous then you might want to steer clear of this method.
- First, work yourself up to a nice sweat. This will get the blood circulating in all parts of the body including your head. Once this has been accomplished while your running, or performing whatever exercise, have a quick glance around to make sure no one is looking, casually turn you’re head out of line-of-sight, take a deep breath, close your mouth and push all the air from your lungs as well as the offending road-block in one explosive breath. You may be saying to yourself, “How is this inconspicuous”. This can be done both effectively and inconspicuously even if people are around under the guise of a feigned sneeze. Voila! Enjoy a nice deep breath through your newly cleared olfactory mines.
4. The Fake Cough
- Fake a cough slightly while bringing your hand up to your mouth (as if to cover the cough).
- Raise your index finger up to the nostril that’s bothering you.
5. The Turnaround
- Slowly excuse yourself and slowly turn around. Extract material from nose quickly and keep your hand down on your lap. Then, when you are talking to somebody and they have their full attention to your face, flick material into the world.
6. The Hair Wipe
- After a nosepick has been executed and there is a sign that it has occurred (mucus) casualy rub nose with palm and follow through, act like you are combing hair out of your eyes with your fingers then return hand to side. After this, to remove nasal waste from hand, wipe on the back knee of pants or the cuff of your pants.
- As of today, at nearly all social levels, overt nosepicking is forbidden.
- Make sure you do this at a time when people are not looking directly at you. If they are, try to create some sort of diversion, like pointing out something on the other side of the room/street. If you are the center of attention, such as when speaking on live television, occupying a podium or pulpit, or doing a magic trick for a group of children, you may be out of luck.
- If you think your activity has been detected, immediately suspend mining operations and begin to scratch your nose. This will usually convince even the nosiest (no pun intended) observer that you were merely dealing with an itch, which is not forbidden.
- If the flicking maneuver cannot be performed, stay calm and don’t panic. Simply roll the extracted material between your forefinger and thumb (the famous WRB “pick n’ roll”). This will cause the substance to take on a spherical shape. When you relax your finger pressure the force of gravity will irresistibly pull the mass directly to the floor where it will join all the others of its kind along with the dead skin, dust and cat hairballs. The mucous cycle is now complete.
- If you are driving a car at night, you may dispense with any pretenses. Other drivers will not be able to see you due to their focus on the road and the glare of headlights. Beware of well lit intersections and changing traffic signals – always be prepared to revert into a faux itch management posture!
- Make sure you have a booger and not a long strand of snot. It could get messy.
- Carry a hankie or tissue around – you can cover the finger, which may be more sanitary.
- Always carry a small item in your pocket that you can drop at just the necessary picking moment.